Turning forty

Turning 40 this year for me was such a combination of feelings--my mom didn't live to see her 40th birthday. She was so young to die--my age almost exactly. As my birthday was approaching this year, I felt myself growing reflective. What thoughts were in her mind when she thought about leaving all her children at such tender young ages? Did she think about the fact that she probably wouldn't live life after 40? How would it be to be so sick and helpless and watching your children grieve your dying? Many thoughts about her life have been on my mind this year.

Sometimes I close my eyes and try to remember what she looked like and how her voice sounded. Her image can become so fuzzy in my mind. It seems so long ago that I saw her and touched her. One wonderful night, I dreamed about her and in my dream, she was just as I remembered her--her blue eyes, her nicely-shaped nose, her smile--her whole self in great detail, every part was chiseled again in my mind. She looked so happy that I remember waking up wishing it were true.

But it wasn't. Even so, I feel blessed this year to be healthy, to be looking forward to life after forty, and to dream about the futures of myself, my husband, and my children. This was something my mom never could realize in her lifetime. My dad told me some time ago, that when Mom discovered that she had cancer, she told my dad, "I want to live to see my grandchildren." That was her dream, cut short when she passed away when her oldest was only 16 years old.

So, now, I'm embarking on unknown territory. I've outlived my mother. Such a strange thought to me. How I wish many times I was more like her. She is my hero! What would it be like to relate to her as an adult? So many questions that in my lifetime will never have answers.

My prayer today: Lord, mold me more into the godly woman you want me to be! I fail so many times from being what I wish I was! I feel my human weaknesses. Make me more like you, Father!

I'm officially moving to xanga. Please come visit me there. I might be back someday, but right now xanga is more user friendly and a lot of my friends are over there. Sorry, bloggers.
My address is:
http://www.xanga.com/bubblingteapot

A Mother's Eyes

I never thought I would stoop to such things. When visiting other homes as a teenager, I disdained the clutter of child’s paintings on the refrigerator. I scoffed at the messiness of obvious child’s experiments in jars in the corner, in egg cartons on the windowsill, on newspaper spread on the table.

I vowed my house would be neat, immaculate, and free of childish clutter. I would have an “art gallery” in some out-of-the-way place. Caterpillars would stay outside where they belonged. Clay projects could dry in the garage. My refrigerator would not become a bulletin board.

But guess what I discovered? I couldn’t destroy the “beautiful” drawing that my son labored over for hours. How could I throw away the ugly plastic cup with one forlorn flower drooping lifelessly over the side? I remembered my daughter’s gleeful smile when she proudly held out a dandelion clutched in her grimy hand. I never thought I would have a garden growing on my windowsill from the seeds that my son carefully collected. It would be cruel to dismantle my son’s terrain alive with caterpillars, twigs, and grass.

Oh, how different things look from a mother’s eyes! How different things feel from a mother’s heart! If my house looks like an art gallery, it’s because I fondly recalled the little hands that painted each picture. If I have to clean around art projects, I smile at my children’s creativity. I have discovered that an immaculate house is not real beauty. Real beauty is expressed by shining eyes, heartwarming smiles, and wrap-around hugs from happy children.

Many Blessings

Life has precious moments of blessings. I would like to share three with you. (1)Last weekend our church enjoyed a weekend retreat at a a Christian retreat center. Our theme was prayer and I felt God nudging me to spend more time with Him. Thanks, Lavern and Lolita, for planning such a great weekend!

(2) Corleen led a "children's choir" on Sunday morning. It was awesome, Cor!! And the message powerful! Thanks, children!!!

The children singing "Love is a Flag"

(3) Robin's sister, Caia spent some time here and she blessed me in so many little ways. Thanks, Caia! You were a blessing! She sewed Allison and Hadassah, and Annaliese all look-alikes!!! What a thoughtful gift. Our girlies were happy to wear them at the weekend retreat. It was especially appreciated since I don't seem to find much time to sew recently! (or is that ever?)

The three girls wearing their dresses with Caia!!!

More Substitutes

Today I'm making monster cookies. And I'm realizing how many American ingredients it takes--peanut butter (ok, we CAN buy it here, but it is expensive and not very good), brown sugar, corn syrup, and chocolate chips. That's a long list of things I can't get here. So, I try not to make these kinds of cookies too often. More substitutes (this time some dressings I like that I can't buy here):

Ranch Dressing

1 cup buttermilk
1 cup mayonnaise
1/4 tsp. onion salt, garlic salt, celery salt
1/8 tsp. pepper
1/2 tsp. parsley flakes
Mix together and use on your favorite salads!

French Dressing

1 cup mayonnaise
1/2 cup sugar
2 Tbsp. vinegar
1/4 cup ketchup
1 tsp. mustard
1 tsp. paprika
1/4 tsp. salt
2 tsp. water
1/4 cup oil
Mix and serve!

Italian Dressing

2/3 cup cold water
1/3 cup oil
1/2 cup apple cider vinegar
2 tsp. onion powder
1 Tbsp. sugar
1/8 tsp.pepper, allspice, paprika
1 tsp. celery salt, garlic powder
1/4 tsp. oregano
2 soda crackers

Combine in blender. Blend until smooth.

Croutons

Butter both sides of bread. Sprinkle with seasoning salt. Bake on 250 degrees for one hour or until dry and crisp. Stir occasionally. We love these homeade ones.

"Quick and Easy" or "Difficult and Time-consuming"?

Trying to follow an American recipe in Poland can be a catastrophe. Especially, those recipes that say "Quick and Easy." About 99% of the time, I must first of all make my substitutes for the time-saving bought ingredients that aren't available over here. After all my dishes are dirty preparing all the ingredients, I can then assemble the recipe. Unfortunately, for me, these recipes become quite complicated. Georgene posted about being faithful in little things. I thought I would post some of the substitutes I've learned to use. Maybe some of you can save some money by preparing your own substitutes.

Bisquick Substitute
8 cups flour
4 1/2 Tablespoons baking powder
8 tsp. sugar
2 tsp. cream of tartar
2 tsp. salt
1 3/4 cups shortening
Mix until finely crumbled. Store in air-tight container or in the freezer.

Sweetened Condensed Milk Substitute
3/4 cup sugar
1 cup powdered milk
1/2 cup warm water
Blend in blender until smooth. Chill.

Cream Soup Mix
2 cups instant dry milk powder
3/4 cup cornstarch
1/4 cup chicken boullion
1 teaspoon thyme
1/2 teaspoon basil
1/4 teaspoon pepper
Combine. For one can of cream soup (10 3/4 oz) blend 1/3 cup mix and 1 1/4 cup water.
I have many more, but maybe this is enough for today. I will post more later.

Eleven-hour boat trip

...and we found out that is a long ride!!! Friday we took the children on a school field trip. We left at 4 a.m. from home to catch our boat at 8 in the town of Elblag and spent all day riding a boat in the lake region of Poland through canals, over lakes, down rivers, over land (!!!), through locks, and finally docked in the town of Ostroda at 9 pm (a little later than we planned)!!! We saw some awesome scenery, consumed two back-packs full of food, identified birds, talked to other people on the boat, and just relaxed in the sunshine and enjoyed being together as a family.

A boat we met coming up the canal from the same company that we were riding with.


Yes, the canal just suddenly ended. There were five slopes like this on our trip and a little cart carried the boat and us up a total of three hundred feet during a 6 mile distance. Amazing! And interesting.

The little cart like the one we rode up the slope on!

The whole crew ready for adventure

The Captain and First Mate (that's me!)

That's the bird-watcher, Austin. If you're interested in the details, they saw many birds, but only identified these--mallard, mute swan, coot, black-headed sea gulls, gray heron, cormorant, marsh harrier, goldeneye, pochard, great crested grebe, crane, and a cuckoo.

Derek, are you tired of the boat trip already? It was fun for the children to buy food and drinks from the snack bar below deck, but it was hard on the pocket book, so we kept it to a minimum. Allison constantly wanted to buy me tea or coffee or asked if she couldn't buy some candy. The lady was patient with her many trips to the snack bar and eventually struck up a conversation with her.