Events and situations come into our lives that we didn't sign up for. Who asks to be associated with grief? devastating loss? missing persons? sickness? tragic events? These things give us an identity we don't want, and in fact, wish to run far away from. What am I doing here? Why do I need to wear these labels?
It's like a big sign around my neck:
"Mom of a kidnappee"
"Grammie of Damien"
"Sister of Esther"
or longer ago, I wore other signs I didn't ask for:
"Member of Schrock family that lost all those children"
"Grandchild of that couple killed in car wreck"
"Daughter that lost her mom"
Often people know us by these things. They address us by asking about how we are doing in these different scenarios. They mean well. Our culture wants to solve our problems. They search for answers and freely give solutions to these kinds of losses. They want to make you feel better again. Bless them! They will pay all their life's savings to find answers they're looking for and would gladly give all to make you happy again. Happiness is their goal.
But sometimes there are no answers. Living in a problem-solving nation makes this seem counter-productive and they go to great extents to make it all better. But what if God is just asking me to carry what He has brought to my life? What if I quit trying to solve my loss and grief but instead carry it within me, with God's grace holding me? Like Job in the Old Testament (how I struggle with being compared to him sometimes), "In all this, Job did not sin or blame God".
Can there be joy in the middle of so much pain? Yes, pain doesn't necessarily take away all joy. A paradox but true. It's about giving up my ideals of how I want my life to be, and living well the life I am experiencing. Can I do this?
I want to bravely take up the life God has allowed me to experience and carry it with God carrying me. And I will remember this~
Some things can't be fixed in this life,
they just need to be carried.
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