My Bubbling Teapot

What do you do when your life totally falls apart? When it feels like there is no reason to keep living? It could be g rief of loss of loved one. It could be a missing family member in Haiti. Possibly a terminal illness. Or maybe a physical handicap.  Events and situations come into our lives that we didn't sign up for. Who asks to be associated with grief? devastating loss? missing persons? sickness? tragic events? These things give us an identity we don't want, and in fact, wish to run far away from. What am I doing here? Why do I need to wear these labels?  It's like a big sign around my neck:  "Mom of a kidnappee" "Grammie of Damien" "Sister of Esther"  or longer ago, I wore other signs I didn't ask for:  "Member of Schrock family that lost all those children" "Grandchild of that couple killed in car wreck" "Daughter that lost her mom" Often people know us by these things. They address us by asking about ho...

Is it a sign of old age? Or is it the fact that change has been constant in our lives this past five years? Our life has catapulted from one drama to the next in the few short years of leaving the ministry of our dreams--Poland. We brought our family of six home from the mission field in Dec 2011, one of the hardest moves we ever made. So many questions in our minds. Was it the right time? How will our teens integrate American/Mennonite culture? Did we make a mistake?  Two months after returning, I got pregnant. My baby was thirteen. What a roller coaster of emotion for us! But now our nearly four-year-old is an integral part of our home. She will never remember our adventures in Europe but she will make different memories with our family. One reason we moved back was to be near my mom who was fighting cancer. I will never regret that decision. We had over three years with her, a time for my children to learn to know their grandma, before she passed away now almost eight...

Turning 40 this year for me was such a combination of feelings--my mom didn't live to see her 40th birthday. She was so young to die--my age almost exactly. As my birthday was approaching this year, I felt myself growing reflective. What thoughts were in her mind when she thought about leaving all her children at such tender young ages? Did she think about the fact that she probably wouldn't live life after 40? How would it be to be so sick and helpless and watching your children grieve your dying? Many thoughts about her life have been on my mind this year. Sometimes I close my eyes and try to remember what she looked like and how her voice sounded. Her image can become so fuzzy in my mind. It seems so long ago that I saw her and touched her. One wonderful night, I dreamed about her and in my dream, she was just as I remembered her--her blue eyes, her nicely-shaped nose, her smile--her whole self in great detail, every part was chiseled again in my mind. She look...